I'm extremely proud of my work of the last two weeks, but I also see things I could have done better (as I did with most of the series.) I'm still mulling whether or not to go through and make wholesale (but not continuity-altering) revisions to the first volume or just leave it there, warts and all... after all, this was in many way an experiment, and a learning experience. :P I guess I could make an original version and an author's preferred text version.
Anyway, these are the things that bug me... for spoiler reasons, I'm placing the info behind a cut.
Hollywood. Like many motor mouths, he thinks refusing to speak to someone is the height of expressing dissatisfaction with them... but I didn't really sell that from him. I was going for a sullen anger, but instead I think it came across more like I forgot he was there.
Jessica. In retrospect, I'd like to have put foreshadowing of symptoms for her "opening up" starting earlier. Also, I'd put more of her state of mind in the final story, so it's more obvious she's not just wussing out. Not that I think anybody who had just read the previous episode would think that... I'm more picturing people who drift through and read the last one on its own, or people who come back and read it again after several months and don't have the ordeal fresh in their heads.
Alcheman. I cut some excess exposition by him, which seemed cludgy and broke the emotional flow of the scene, but in the process, I ended up leaving out the explanation of why he wasn't at the battle at first, and left it to readers to infer that his late arrival was because he was studying up on the ritual some more. If I were to re-write it, I would specifically tie Hollywood and Raven up chasing down the most evasive of the creatures, which would be why neither one of them would be available to get to Dani (which either of them really logically could do quite easily... although it would be more in character for Raven to do it. While Hollywood would make the ultimate sacrifice, he lacks the depth that enabled both Pamela and Perfect to see what the situation called for.)
The actual battle. Especially after Alcheman revealed the goal of the creatures was to link up with the churches to make a permanent gateway, I could have done more to reinforce the urgency of holding them back.
If not for my sense of needing to bring things to a close, I probably would've had another chapter worth of pure detective work. In a sense, it didn't matter if things seemed to follow inevitably one after another for the heroes, in that they were being manipulated... but I think the story would be better if they worked out more things for themselves, instead of Dani gets the hard drive, Perfect and Alcheman get all the info from it.
In the end, I think this shows one of the reasons I felt the need to split the series... the cast was just too big, and there were too many threads in the air go give them all the time they deserved.